


A Royal Shame

by lets_keep_walking



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: "Where's Toffee?" :D, Battle for Mewni, F/M, Gen, Spoilers, Star is a bamf, and marco is the best, bye-bye glossaryck, don't read if you haven't watched, gonna get really fuckin weird, gonna have a b AD TIME, o ld, sads, shoot fam he ded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 21:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11517921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lets_keep_walking/pseuds/lets_keep_walking
Summary: For a while she just sits there. She doesn't know what to do. The hero is meeting the villain, talking to them for the first time without trying to maim them—she should say something. Something dazzling. Something awesome."Hi."...That works too.





	A Royal Shame

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched Battle for Mewni right
> 
> all that glitters is not gold. that's all I can say

She rakes her hands through her hair, breath heated, heart pounding, trying to pull herself from the threshold of sleep.

So much had happened since she had reclaimed Mewni. A rebuild of the kingdom was in order, the magical barrier needed to be reinstituted, the High Commission returned—apparently her power trip restored the Magic Sanctuary to its entirety, which wasn't really a surprise, seeing as Toffee had said himself that the black magic goop was her own, before he took over and corrupted it.

Oh, and she resurrected herself from the dead and quantum blasted Toffee from the nth dimension.

Before her death, she never casted a spell she could really feel, the only exception being her Mewberty phase, and when she had stormed Ludo's castle to find Marco. It was always the buzzing in her wand before the magic, the calm before the storm. It was never something warm and raw, something she could feel glowing and pulsing through her veins. But inside her, it wasn't buzzing. It was more of a hum, something akin to a song. Music in her heart.

And it was _amazing_. If she hadn't drained herself dry she could've flown around Mewni, letting the magic roam inside of her. She never felt so whole, so full, so complete. It was indescribable.

And then! When she saw her mom, hunched over the ground with her wand, tears still pooling in the corners of her eyes, and Marco, staring up at her with complete awe, she could only give them a relieving grin, waving one of her arms at them.

Six arms. A pair of golden, translucent wings. the dress she was wearing when she left for Mewni was the same, but no longer tattered, instead full, flowing above her legs like a dream. She could feel the breeze brush against her antennae, along with the thin gold ribbons looped above every set of arms. Her hair was twin-twirled and set above her head, imitating her antennae. She smiled. Like a true butterfly.

Then there was the reminder of why her mom was crying, the stupid monster who'd killed her grandmother and forced her mom into a position she wasn't even sure she was ready for. And Star recalled the feeling of dying, of sobbing helplessly in her own magic, sinking, flooded, _violated_ with something that was supposed to be hers but wasn't quite _right_.

As much as she would hate to inflict something like that in someone else...he deserved it. It was the least she could do.

She had asked her mother where Toffee was, both too angry to form a sentence and too happy to be given this chance to finally make things right again. All that hiding was so annoying. What was the point of all that when you could destroy the problem at the source?

She had hoped her mother couldn't see how much she was gripping her wand. It took all her focus to pull her mouth into just a frown. She could scream and cry later, but right then...

She had turned around, watching the lizard monster's retreating form, hesitating for a fraction of a sliver of a second. Why was he leaving? Was he planning an attack? Ludo's body was facing him when he reformed, so she watched her mother fight off Toffee and Marco punch out his heart while she drowned. He didn't even try to fight her, just shoved her to the ground and walked off.

Star had simply aimed, shaking the thought off and sweeping it under the metaphorical equivalent of a rug to think about later. The humming in her veins turned to pulsing, syncing with the firm beating (yes, beating. It eluded her too) inside her wand. The magic inside it was all hers now, the little unicorn she had created when she dipped down tucked inside, adhering to her wish, and the wand glowed, and if Star chose that moment to look down, she could see the gold of her magic flooding into her forearms and her hands.

For a moment, she stilled above the peak of her power. Mewberty did not do the butterfly form justice. Not at all.

And then she felt the release, the vibrations that nearly shook her to her core as her wand near _shrieked_ , throwing forth a golden blast of energy, the hummed tune barely audible over the force of her magic reeling. Was she screaming? Her mouth was still closed in a tight frown, but her throat felt hoarse.

Star watched him turn, saw the split-second look of sheer terror on his face before it melted off. She smiled. She saw the anger and fear and unadulterated hate in his eyes, and she smiled at that too. Well, before it melted off.

All monsters are comprised of magic. A reservoir, if you will. But ever since the war against Mewmans, monster's have always preferred using their physical traits rather than what they have. Then again, it was probably from the best that they didn't know they could blast each other into next week.

His hide had melted off, revealing the tiny wellspring of _her_ _magic_ turned corrupted he still had, and it only made her wand shriek harder.

She watched as he was reduced to nothing but ash and her corrupted magic, black-green goop comprising only half of his body. His eye leaked from the socket, and she nearly gagged. Gross.

Her upper right arm, the only still gripping her wand like a lifeline, drooped, and she let out a tiny sigh. Everything felt so dizzy, and the humming was gone. She blinked owlishly as her wings gently fluttered her to the ground, and she felt empty, but so, so satisfied.

Her wings got her as close to the ground as possible before she gracelessly landed on her knees, her hair pooling around her shoulders. She blinked again, and her pupils came back into view. Her hearts cooled, and she slumped onto the ground.

She took a moment to congratulate herself. She did it. _She did it!_

She coughed, then gasped for air, looking up. Her voice was as hoarse as her magic felt. Maybe she really was screaming, too.

She felt her wings slip into her back before her mother, Marco, and Buff Frog tackled her down with a hug.

She was too weak for anything ostentatious, so she just gave them a simple greeting, something to know that yes, she was okay, yes, Toffee was gone, and no, they didn't need to worry about her.

"Hi."

But now she's just.

Curled up. In bed. Feeling as weak as ever.

Everyone tended to the kingdom. The first thing that was in order was healing the wounded, which took nearly all day. Ludo (or was it Toffee? Star really didn't know) went kind of...crazy with how the kingdom was run, but with Moon back in place, the confidence in the Monarchy was restored.

Next was patching up the castle. Don't get Star wrong, there was a team of construction workers putting out fires and rebuilding houses, but hearing that Ludo had levetatoed (leevatooted? levetotaed?) all of the Butterfly's memorabilia  struck a chord with her. She almost wanted to tear a whole into the void and smack him upside the face. _Almost_.

But she couldn't afford to use any more magic than necessary just in case anyone thought that the kingdom would be easy pickings just because it was in shambles. And Marco promised her that they'd refill the castle with newer memories. Marco never broke a promise.

Speaking of which...they were still on odd terms, but no matter what they could do, found themselves naturally leaning towards each other. Battles and bloodlust brought people together, and the furthest thing from Star's mind was about that stupid party or Ruberiot's song (though she'll still chokeslam him for it). She was, and still is, consumed by the fact that she could've lost him today. And he, her.

So screw magical gravitation or whatever. The first thing she did (after being nearly choked by her mother's hug) was tackle _him_ in a hug. Tit for tat.

Little to say, she was still relieved when she felt his arms wrap around her just as quickly.

But now, she sighs, gently untangling herself from her duvet. She felt one of the threads drag along her skin, and she hissed, bringing her hand to her chest. Ever since she Dipped she's been so hyper aware. Everything is sensitive, especially on her hands and forearms, where the magic pulses the most, at the ready in case she needs it, making her veins there glow a dim golden.

The only thing that isn't sensitive to her is her wand (most likely because the magic inside is all hers), so she reaches for it on her nightstand, shuffles sleepily to her window, and takes a picture of herself, bathed in the moonlight, making sure to get her golden veins in the picture. She feels like a painting.

She wonders what her tapestry looks like now. Specks of gold, maybe a little yellow. Her butterfly form? Nah, none of the other tapestries held the queen's butterfly forms. Then again, she wasn't like all the other Queens...

She slowly brings her hand onto the windowsill, gently sifting through all the cool dust and debris that lays there. The moon is fat and full, shining gently on the castle, a cool contrast to the sun that was beating harshly on them all.

She's always been susceptible to nightmares; the ones about Monsters as a kid, the occasional Mewberty nightmare that'd leave her panting and aching (though not in the way you would think), even a couple in which she's too late to make the deal with Toffee, where Marco gets crushed to death and it's all her fault, and now she's just had a nightmare about her mother at Star's age, aiming the wand and chanting her darkest spell when instead of Toffee who's laughing and shrugging it off before his finger falls, it's someone else. It's a woman's laughter, soft and sweet, her voice dipping dangerously low before she says, "Have you learned nothing?"

Star does _not_ like how that makes her feel. The magic in her veins pulsed almost painfully when she had woken up, flashing purple before returning to gold. She stares at them now, and wills the magic to pool inside her hands. She watches them glow a bright gold before she calms down. She's still here.

She sighs, resting her head on her hands and her elbows on the window sill. The castle is near silent, her mom probably arranging meetings with the rest of the kingdom to make sure reconstruction goes as smoothly as possible, and while Star would love to pass boring meetings, she wants to be there to make sure no one messes it up. A part of her wants to help reinstitute the barrier personally.

... _After_ they establish something about the monsters food problem. As much as it pains her mom, they can't just starve out an entire species like that, war or no war.

Her fingers find a lock of her hair, and she twirls it unenthusiastically. She can Dip Down again if she wants. She has enough ( _more_ than enough) magic flooding her veins. She's still feeling the effects of her Dipping, but she won't mind a little fly around the kingdom, just to see how it feels, test out her wings.

She can already feel them slipping out of her back and her nightgown flutter against her legs when someone knocks on the door.

She gasps, and her wings slam almost painfully back inside of her. Her dress stops flowing, and her antennae sinks back inside her head.

"Uh, hello?" she asks, brushing the nonexistent lint off of her dress and hoping her hair wasn't doing anything funny.

It's the last person she expects at the door. "S-star?"

"Marco?"

"Can I come in?"

She gives her room a once over. Still messy.

"Yeah, go on ahead."

The door opens a crack, the light casting Marco's shadow on the floor and against the wall. He walks inside, closes the door, and gives her one of his awkward half-smiles that Star loves. In his hand is a thermos and two mugs.

She doesn't realize she's smiling until he tugs at the collar of his pajama shirt.

"Sooo..."

"Sooo..."

They just stand there. Theoretically, they could talk about...everything. It's still hanging in the air, the drama and the tension and the feelings. But Star doesn't want thing to get weird. She just wants her friend back.

"Did ya have a nightmare?"

Star blinks. "What?"

"Did you have a nightmare?" Marco presses, setting the mugs on the nightstand. He flops eagle-spread on the bed, on his back, and after a moment of consideration, Star does too, opposite him, her head brushing against his.

They just stay that way for a while, just lying, starring at the stars on the underside of her canopy.

"Did _you_?" Star asks. "Have a nightmare, I mean."

She already knows his answer. Too many sleepless nights spent with chamomile tea is all she needs.

"Yeah."

Bingo.

"Then yeah. Me too."

She hears him shift but doesn't look up. Things are so much easier to talk about when she's not staring into his eyes.

It's always like this. Ever since Star stormed Ludo's castle, and maybe a bit earlier than that, they have nightmares at the same time. They were too stressed out, between school and Ludo and Star's Wand's general weirdness, they didn't question it. They just sleepily fell into the other's embrace before breaking down.

The best part was that the tone of the nightmare was always the same, so they usually didn't have to ask if one of them barged into the other's room with tears in their eyes.

"What was it about?"

"I..." Marco won't understand the half of it, she's never told him about Eclipsa, mostly because she feels that she's not her secret to tell.

"Toffee killed my grandma," Star whispers. It's a fact, and as much as Star wants to deny it being so, saying it just makes it all the more tangible. There's a sharp intake of breath, and pressure on her hand. Star sits up and faces Marco, who's holding her right hand. His eyes are glimmering, and Star immediately understand the tone of the nightmare she's had; _loss_.

"Is that how he knew so much about you guys?" Marco asks quietly, his voice breaking. Star looks up into his eyes, nods, her throat suddenly too thick to speak, and she reaches for a hug the same time he does. Shoulders heaving as she cries, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and buries her forehead into his neck.

He's breathing along with her, his hands tight around her back, tangled in her hair like they always are when they get like this. Star breathes through her nose. He smells like body wash and sweat and that other Marco smell that she's so fond of.

She almost lost her mom. She lost Glossaryck. She lost her _life_. She doesn't care what he smells like right now. She needs someone to cry onto and drop her guard with, and right now, he's enough for her.

* * *

She feels so _free_.

She stayed with Marco until he nodded off to sleep, and carefully untangled herself from his embrace. Standing up on the sill of her window with her wand in hand, she took a deep breath and Dipped, her wings slipping out of her back and her antennae pushing up from her head. She smiled, straightening her now golden nightdress with her lower arms.

Then she jumped.

She found out soon enough that flying worked the same as breathing. Subconscious when she doesn't notice, but when she takes control, she's able to stop and start voluntarily.

Everything isn't as sensitive when she's out like this. She feels the breeze against her wings and flowing through her hair, but it's not as jarring. And she doesn't have the golden tinge around her body and the humming is steady and strong inside her chest. She's able to admire her butterfly form for what it is. Powerful and exciting and beautiful.

She finds a breeze and coasts on it for a while, admiring the view of the villages below. There are cottages dotted around the castle in waves, and the occasional corn mill just a little after them. It's the kingdom she's grown up with and the kingdom she fought for, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

But something is bugging her.

She heads back to the castle, fluttering atop the turret that houses her room. She loops her middle set of arms around the flag pole while her upper and lower right arms grip the pole to keep from flying off, and then she sighs.

She hums, amused. Her voice—it's hers, yes, just the intonation of it. It's high and deep at the same time, and she loves it.

"How did things get to this?" she murmurs into the air. The moon faces her, and she feels ethereal, more than she does already. She would've laughed if she saw how she looked right now. Some weird butterfly girl on a castle hugging a flagpole whilst staring at the moon. Completely bonkers.

Her stance reminds her of her face of with Toffee, and just the reminder of what transpired today has her magic reeling.

"No, no, no," she pleads, patting at her hearts to calm them down. Her skin is buzzing. The last thing she wants right now is unnecessary attention.

Toffee.

Calm, cool and collected, sharp suit and filled to the brim with confidence, in control of everything he shows on his face. He knew that he he'd always get his way, so why wouldn't he flaunt it?

"But did he really think of _everything_?" Star can't help but ask. "How did he even know that the whispering spell could do any of that? Or is it because of my magic?"

To be told that everything happening was indirectly her fault was disheartening. Toffee'd leeched off of her magic to keep himself alive—it's a chance that was out of a hundred but still one he was willing to take. Just on the thought that it _might_ work. How crazy is that?

Her magic belongs to _her_. It's made _for_ her, made _of_ her, it's the culmination of her entire being, all in one focal point. To have it corrupted and manipulated and _used_ without her permission nor consent makes her shudder.

She glances at the far side of the kingdom, where most of the destruction lay. If she turns her head she can make out the debris of the column that Ludo had pushed onto Toffee's gooped form. None dared to touch it during reconstruction.

She cocks her head. She has an idea.

* * *

When Moon got rid of Toffee's regeneration abilities, she came in with a basket and mat. She had laid the mat on the ground, set up the plate while vehemently ignoring the monsters' staring and delicately began to eat the food River had given her before she left.

She just needed to look and act casual. She was Queen now.

Star gently flutters to the column's side, lying her mat down and sitting upon it, before pouring the thermos' contents into the mug, which's round and shaped like a unicorn, with the horn to boot, thank you very much. She takes a sip of it. Hot chocolate, with extra melty marshmallows. Her favorite.

To her right are Toffee's remains, his fingers black, stiff, and griping at the ground. She gags when she sees his eye lying around. It's all dry and wrinkled. _Eww_. She turns away before she can get sick.

She shouldn't be wasting this much magic, anyways. With a breath, and a little shimmy of her shoulders, her wings and antennae are gone, her arms retreat into her spine, and her dress is no longer golden. It's a deep, rich blue.

For a while she just sits there. She doesn't know what to do. The hero is meeting the villain, talking to them for the first time without trying to maim the other—she should say something. Something dazzling. Something _awesome_.

"Hi."

...That works too.

"I dunno what I'm doing. I mean, isn't this a little weird? Talking to you like this, we did try to kill each other..."

Yup. This is fine. She'll just. Sit here a while and converse with a corpse.

A corpse that she couldn't tell was dead or not, but a corpse all the same.

She takes a sip.

"I just...I really don't get you. There's no way you planned everything out. There's no way. I mean, the stupid feelings with Marco and stuff, yeah, I can see that, but...getting into my wand? Inside Ludo's head? And dude, that was _my_ _magic_ you were gunking up. Gross."

She glares at his remains before she sighs. "What am I even doing here? Talking with you, I mean. You can't hear me, you're probably partying it up with Glossaryck in the dead dummies dimension..."

It's windy, but she doesn't mind. The column is still warm, radiating little waves of heat it absorbed during the day. She takes another sip.

She can go visit them. Right now. All she would need to do is dip and make a neat little incision in the fabric of this dimension. She doesn't even need dimensional scissors.

She raises her hand, and then hesitates. If there's a chance that Toffee could come back just by her magic, and oh, he's one to dodge and control fate, then it's one she won't take.

"And wha'd'ya mean by 'I thought I've won?' No offense, actually, wait, _yeah_ , offense, dude, but you're kinda clogging up the courtyard."

Nothing. Dead people never really talked to anybody.

She fidgets with the horn of the unicorn mug.

"Why did you do it?"

She looks up at the stars dotting the night sky. Something pricks the corner of her eyes.

"Why'd'ja kill her?"

Was it even painless? Did she suffer? _Did she deserve it?_

"It's all your fault, you know," she says quietly. "Mom got really messed when you killed her mom. Heh, I'd imagine why. If you killed _my_ mom, I dunno what I would've done."

She doesn't notice that she's crying until she hears herself sniffling. She considers forcing herself to stop, to not look like a fool in front of the enemy, but she realizes that she needs this, sets her mug down, and quietly breaks down.

"I could've died t'day," she mumbles between her sobs. "No, scratch that, I _did_ die t'day. I could've—stars, I almost lost _everyone_ t'day!"

She brings her knees into her chest and bows her head into them, shaking, crying, tugging at her hair. She takes a moment, she needs this, as all the memories rush back up to her. Her mother screaming at her to get away from Ludo, the look of heart-breakingly _painful_ hope in the little bird monster's eyes when he asked if everything would go back to normal just before his palm blew up and Star was sucked into his consciousness.

She recalls the last few moments before her death, where she was tumbling, reeling, delving inside the magic that she couldn't use, in something that was supposed to be hers. It's the highest tier of feeling useless, surrounded by the utter culmination of your being but unable to do anything about your situation.

She can almost hear Toffee, the smug stupid bastard, _are you finished?_

She _showed_ him finished, al-heckin'-right.

She can't take this. In an instant, her wings are back and she's shooting through the air and diving into her room.

* * *

"She was just a kid."

Silence.

"She was my age."

There's no reply.

"And then she had the responsibility of all of Mewni resting on her shoulders _and for what_?"

It's the afternoon, the next day. She sent Marco home with the promise that she'd visit. Mewni still needs her, and until the kingdom was restored, she would stay. Her mom is inside the Castle with the High Commissions. Star already received her bout of hugs and noogies, so she took the chance to excuse herself.

She stares at her wand and gently brings her hand up to its left wing, brushing the feathers, and it tingles, softly batting her hand away.

"You acted weird." Star says. She doesn't look at him. "When you came back you were all, y'know, you, but the second I blast you, you didn't act...you anymore. You were all shouty and desperate instead 'a confident 'n junk."

She doesn't question how he planed everything. He's a war general. She may not know what they do in their entirety, but they're thinkers. They have to find the best possible outcome to lead the kingdom to victory.

All in all, it sounds better than being a lawyer. _Bleck_.

"I don't get you,"  she concludes. "How you act 'n all. One second you're you and then the next, you're not. Like, you were just. Walking away. From every _one_. From every _thing_. You didn't even seem to be in a rush—did you even know where you were going?"

She runs the pad of her finger against the star, where the magic exists. Heh. Inside the Star. She loves her wand.

"I just don't understand why ya did it." She sounds resigned when she walks back into the castle.

* * *

It's midnight.

She stretches when she's awoken for no complete reason, then shakes herself till she's fully awake. Usually when she has a dreamless sleep there's an after image or voice or memory of a potential nightmare she's just had but can't recall, but she doesn't want to listen right now.

She needs to end this.

" _Why?_ " she asks when her feet hit the ground. "I don't understand. Ya planned all this out, but this," she gestures to the broken courtyard, "'s just really unnecessary, and you aren't the type of guy to go through all this if there's an easier way to get what ya want."

Why does she even bother with all of this? There's no point in talking to a dead body. Just makes you look delusional in front of others. If she really wanted answers so much, she could just go take a visit to them. In fact, she's raising her hand to tear a hole in Mewni's dimension, but she hisses and grips her hand.

Uh-uh. No siree bob.

 She collapses next to his remains. "I mean, yeah, I get it, war times call for desperate measures and stuff, I understand that you killed her, but...where do _I_ fit in all this?"

Think about it. He had to be some real master at wand magic if he knew that there's a reservoir of her magic inside the wand, and just how was he able to corrupt it in the first place? Was he aware of the magic all monsters have?

It's a shame she never asked him any of this stuff while he was alive.

"Other than the wand 'n stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I can Dip Down whenever I want, did you see my wings? I don't think you got the chance to see them before you, ah. y'know. Died."

She wears a smug look of satisfaction. The one thing he'll never be able to get to. She wants it to stay that way.

"But don't think I'm forgiving you, Toffee." His name leaves a bad taste in her mouth. "I will never forgive you for anything. I can only imagine why you did it."

Without a word, her wings form and her nightdress flows, the humming inside her veins enough to comfort her as she stands. She blinks at his remains, at the black, gnarled fingers that're raking the ground.

She reaches over, and in one fluid movement, flicks her index finger against his own.

She watches his remains crumble to dust before she heads back inside and goes to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> when Marco pUNCHED TOFFEE'S HEART OUT


End file.
